Surviving The Drive To Florida With Kids ~

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By Brian Monzo

Driving 1000+ miles from New Jersey to Orlando is a once in a lifetime experience. Or a once a year experience if you’re me. I’ve also done it with three, four, five and six children. It sounds impossible. But not if you’re me. You have to own it. You have to make realizations. You have to have certain understandings. But most importantly, if you’re me, you have to do a few things….

1) Car prep:

-Check all the fluids. Top stuff off. Get fuel injection cleaner and fill up with premium gas to at least BS yourself into get the best gas mileage possible. Check the tires. Pack some bungee cords. Extra oil.

-I don’t like disgusting cars. Chances are, if you have children, and a family car, it probably smells like milk, cereal and dirt. Before a long ride in the car, do yourself a favor—spent $30 and get a full car wash. The kind of car wash that almost makes the car feel like new.

-Pack the night before. That’s it.

-Charge the iPads. If you have kids and don’t have iPads, you’re not going to make this trip with sanity. If you’re the type of person that doesn’t believe in electronics and kids, well, first off, you’re a weirdo, and secondly, it’s a time killer. Movies, games, videos and even educational stuff is available. Looking back on my time as a child driving to Florida, I have no idea how I survived by staring out of the window.

2) When to leave:

I don’t like driving straight through from NJ. Best case scenario, you get to Florida, preferably Jacksonville and find a hotel that offers a free hot breakfast. The next morning you’ll leave yourself a pleasant three hour ride in the morning. Plan on leaving around 3A – which probably will turn into 4A. Make sure you eat something the night before that’s not going to give you heart burn. Been there— buffalo chicken salad. Avoid that. Car is packed. Get everyone in. Hope the kids stay away for an hour and fall asleep for four or five hours. If you can get to Washington D.C. before the kids wake up, score that as win. Also worth stopping for a coffee—but get a small, so you don’t have to stop for a bathroom break.

3) This part of the trip is about you, not the kids:

The kids have a full vacation coming up that’s mostly about them. This first 17 hours in the car is about you and your sanity. You need to get everyone there safely and without wanting to jump off the roof of a building. Give them iPads. Have movies ready to go on Netflix. Dry erase boards. Anything to get some sort of quiet for sustained periods of time. If there is something worth looking at outside, point it out.

For yourself to kill time—have longform audio to listen to. Podcasts. Make yourself music setlists with whatever digital music platform you have. Anything that kills a few hours at a time.

4) It’s time to make a stop:

Breakfast. Lunch. Dinner.

Everyone needs to stretch the legs a few times and get some energy. I’ve learned that as corny as the place is—stopping at Cracker Barrel all three times touches on a few important things for me: bang for the buck, safety and quality.

If you have a small family or a big family, a full meal costs between $25-$50. Plus whatever you are forced to buy in the store itself. It is totally worth buying something if it buys some time in the car. If you know this is your plan—purchase a few gift cards for Cracker Barrel in the months leading up and it becomes found money. Feels like a free meal.

When you’re pulling off in random towns in Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina—who the hell knows what kind of characters are lurking around. You can convince yourself you’re in “The Hills Have Eyes,’’ in some of the these places. It’s one thing if it’s just you, but with your kids, you want to go to a place that feels safe— and Cracker Barrel does just that. There’s mostly travelers and it’s always crowded. It’s also always next to a crowded gas station and right of an exit.

Lastly, the quality of food is solid. Breakfast, lunch or dinner. GET THE STEAK.

5) Look forward to Georgia:

You’re almost there and there are palm trees! And for whatever reason, Georgia goes by quickly. I think it’s because it’s pleasant to look at it. Also, North and South Carolina are never-ending. And do not get sucked into stopping at South of the Border.

6) Find a place to rest:

If you’re determined to drive through, that’s your call. I recommend an overnight stop in Jacksonville. This is from experience. You can get there by 9p. Find a room somewhere for around $100 and most places offer some type of free breakfast. By doing this, you get hopefully 6-7 hours sleep, and you’re not rushing in the AM since you’re only three hours out. After the previous day, three hours is a cakewalk. You’ll find yourself getting to Disney feeling pretty good. It’s 95 to Rt. 4 for 60 miles. And, you’re in Florida. At the hotel, pour yourself a coffee to-go and make your way. You’ll be there before you know it.